All Of This Tastes At Least Equal To As Good As Skinny Feels

 

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I don’t know who put bananas in my cart.

 

Shit I Ate Today

  •  Egg whites and ketchup
  • Tuna fish
  • Banana
  • Apple
  • Almonds
  • Chicken
  • Brussels sprouts
  • Sweet potatoes

Shit I Wanted To Eat Today

  • Chocolate
  • Bagel and cream cheese with a Coke
  • Donuts
  • Donut holes
  • Chocolate chip cookies
  • Girl Scout cookies
    • Thin Mints
    • Samoas (you can take your Caramel Delights and shove it)
    • Those new ‘Smores jamjams
  • Blue Box mac n cheese
  • A pizza
  • Chocolate croissant
  • Cheesesteak
  • Cheesecake
  • Chocolate-covered potato chips
  • One of those tins you get at Christmas with three kinds of popcorn, even though I’m only going to eat the cheese flavor and caramel flavor and the butter is only getting eaten if I’m stranded without options.
  • Danish butter cookies
  • Starbucks salted caramel hot chocolate
  • Funyuns
  • Cookie butter. The crunchy kind.
  • Ben & Jerry’s Strawberry Cheesecake ice cream
  • McDonald’s french fries
  • Pizza bagels
  • Butt M&Ms
  • All my kid’s Halloween candy
  • Pancakes
  • a Wawa sub
  • Tatertots
  • Top ramen that I got really sick of when I was poor
  • Utz Rippled Bar-B-Q potato chips
  • a corn dog
  • mozzarella sticks
  • Any food I’ve ever made fun of for being monstrously unhealthy while still secretly coveting it.

If dieting worked like this– You want an unhealthy food, but you stay strong and smell some kale instead, you automatically burn a sizeable fraction of the calories avoided– You would all be calling Sally Struthers and giving her nickels a day to feed me.

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