Something Something Glass Houses Something Something Stones Or Some Crap Like That

There are a lot of things I am guilty of as a parent. There’s a lot of things I’m guilty of as a human but the NSA is watching and I’m not giving you guys shit to work with. But as a parent, I do frowned upon crap on the regular that I am willing to own up to.

I let my kid watch too much TV and definitely use it as a babysitter when I need to make dinner or do some chores or flat-out ignore my responsibilities. I never really baby-proofed our house, aside from a baby gate and a few randomly-placed socket covers. I let my son lick a hotel mirror once. The list goes on. But I sleep well at night, because I have never purchased Michael Kors infant shoes.


Judgey posts of this nature aren’t normally my thing, because my universal parenting philosophy, in relationship to other parenting philosophies, is normally “You do you.” I think that as long as your kid is breathing at the end of the day and there aren’t too many emotional scars, you’re doing a bang-up job as a parent and I salute you. We are all in this parenting thing together. And by that I mean we are all screwing up our kids one way or the other and I will gladly have a beer with you while those ungrateful turds drain our retirement savings to pay for therapy.

This really isn’t judgement on anyone’s parenting as much as it is on personal style choices, which is maybe next-level dumb but whatever. Feel free to judge the hell out of me in turn, because I never brush my child’s hair and he is normally dressed like I expect him to commit crimes. I will take your judgement about as seriously as you should take mine.

Now that that’s out of the way,

Seriously? Michael Kors makes infant shoes? The phrase infant shoes is unnecessary as eff, but you’re gonna go and one-up that by not only making these tiny shoes as expensive as the shoes of a full-grown person that actually uses their feet, but also by buying the most suburban housewife nonsense on the market? I salute you, madam, for your gold medal in the Basic Olympics. Cheers to you.


Some idiot who you bet your ass is running out to Nordstrom at the first sign of spring and dropping a stupid amount of money on a pair of Toms that are going to fit my toddler for about eight minutes.

See? We are all in this parenting struggle together. We are all idiots.


One thought on “Something Something Glass Houses Something Something Stones Or Some Crap Like That

  1. Kids and shoes! Gah! Don’t even get me started. I’ve probably bought 90 pairs for her since she started walking (she’s almost 3) and half are too big, half are too small, half only fit her for 8 minutes and half she isn’t into and refuses to wear. It’s the worst thing to waste money on. (Ok, I’m not good at math.)

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