I Tried a Green Smoothie.

My energy levels and overall feelings of anything one might describe as “wellness” have been pretty low lately. I was zooming for a while there. Exercising almost every day, sometimes twice a day. Eating well and upping my veggie and water game. Getting good sleep. On point. I have gotten a little lax the last few weeks. I’ve been exercising, but less. Eating wellish, sometimes wellishish. Staying up too late and not taking adequate time to rest, plus running my ass around like a whack. And it’s making me feel like shit on a shitstick.Β I felt bad enough today that I drank spinach.



I have tried the green smoothie thing. This is a thing. I decided to make one today because I was feeling exceptionally awful. That could be because I had Pizza Hut pizza today and it wasn’t even from Pizza Hut, it was from Target. But that is neither here nor there. The recipe was pretty versatile, which I liked, and said it was good for beginners. I am a beginner! Sign me up for your beverage with training wheels! Basically, it was two cups of leafy greens, two cups of a liquid base, and three cups of fruit. I chose spinach, coconut water, and then mango, pineapple and banana were my fruits. Then I threw some chia seeds in that jammy for extra points. Blended it up in a blender andΒ voila.


This is not my green smoothie. But they all kind of look like this. And everyone puts a fancy party straw in theirs so they can pretend they are excited to drink salad.


I was immediately scared to drink it because

1.It looked like a diaper blowout and

2. It filled the entire blender, but only served two.

It took two taste tests from Adam and him reassuring me, under threat of pinch, that it wasn’t gross. I have always hated smoothies. Mostly because smoothies tend to have yogurt and yogurt is balls. You could be so many things, Milk. You could have been Cheese. You could have been Ice Cream. You could have stayed fucking Milk. Why the hell would you choose to be Yogurt? Barf. Anyways, I made a yogurtless smoothie. But I traded yogurt/barf for coconut water/jizz. So I was unsure and skeptical.


I was also doing dishes and out of glasses.
I was also doing dishes and out of glasses.


Color me surprised, but it was good! Not as good as the fifty junk foods I was craving at that moment. But for what it was, it was good. It was a LOT of smoothie, though, and I didn’t get through the whole half-a-blender. But I came close. I stuck the other half in the fridge for tomorrow, and maybe I will be able to function without feeling like something is literally sucking the life out of me. If I do not report back, assume my green smoothie killed me or that I am holding the nearest Wawa hostage while I indulge in Hoagiefest. Good night. And good luck.


One thought on “I Tried a Green Smoothie.

  1. Why would you use the best smoothie mug, and then use the excuse that you are out of glasses? That’s the one you use when everything is clean. Either that or the penguin.

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