On Napping and Scratching.

Spain is still awesome. Except for the part where all the stores shut down for a few hours in the afternoon, right when some dorks that are still on Eastern Time are trying to run some errands. All of my irritation at this is mostly rooted in envy, by the way, because I am extremely jealous of this nap culture. Everyone seems way more chill here, and it is probably because they are well rested from their daily nap, or well hydrated because the only things that stay open are bars/restaurants and those bars are damn packed during siesta. I was walking to a park with August around three and a group of people were already sauced and yell-singing that “Aaaaye yaaaai yai yaaaaaai, (something) de flores!” song. Please pardon my spelling of both aye and yai as I am writing this in a Word doc on Adam’s lap top because we don’t have wi-fi in our apartment and I can’t google the correct spelling or lyrics.


Our apartment has been mostly awesome. I sometimes kind of like the lack of internet access. Except when we are watching The Land Before Time and I get the urge to IMDB the voice of Littlefoot. But I am definitely happy we chose to rent an apartment instead of staying at a hotel. We have a full(ish) kitchen. August has his own bedroom, which makes the whole sleep situation way easier than if we were all crammed into a hotel room. The living room has enough space for August to spread out his toys and play. I wanted to share a picture of our bedroom with you, but I must warn you about the overtly sexual bedding. Please avert your eyes if you are underage or pregnant or have a heart condition.




I don’t even mind that the television channels are almost all in Spanish, because it has seriously cut down on the amount of white noise TV I usually have going on in the background. The only station we seem to get in English is an incarnation of Discovery channel. Discovery should have some big ol’ air quotes around it because the shows are basically Pawn Stars and some kind of British cross between Dog the Bounty Hunter and Antiques Roadshow.


The floors are all tile, so the lack of air conditioning isn’t even noticeable because the apartment itself does a good job of keeping itself cool. I have been opening the windows a couple inches to get some air flowing through the place, because the smell of diapers can stink up the joint. However, I have been limiting the open-window time to a little bit in the middle of the day, because I got August out of his crib the second morning we were here and almost had a heart attack.


What happened to your face?!
What happened to your face?!


My first thought was he was getting chicken pox. My second thought was he had some kind of allergic reaction and I was trying to remember what he had to eat the day before. Then I changed him out of his pajamas and realized he didn’t have any spots where he was covered by clothing, just the parts of his arms that were below his short sleeves, and his face. I also had a few spots on my arms, and so did Adam. A short while later, I found a mosquito and killed it, and that sucker was full of blood. But I got him. Story over. Then we squished over 20 more mosquitos the next day. I got up twice at night to buzzing in my ear and told Adam to cover his eyes because I was turning on a bright light to hunt these bastards down and murder them with my flip flop.


I have had it with these motherbucket mosquitoes in my motherbucket ear.


And murder I did. I left the squished carcasses on the walls, to show their loved ones that they may find a quick meal here, but they will not make it out alive. The soles of my shoes, littered with the dead, dragged along the sidewalk from our apartment, leaving a trail of my enemies. Their God does not live here.


Only Death.



Anyways, I think we got them all, and I don’t think any new ones have gotten in. So hopefully we are all in the clear! Enjoy all the Reese’s Eggs you can shove in your facehole this weekend. Somebody better save me some.


Or else.
Or else.

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