This Post Brought to You By Every Drug and Ben & Jerry’s

We here in the NPW household are coming up on what is going to be an insane few months. Adam is going overseas at *some point* for work. He will be on a ship for 1-2 months. I say *some point* because we are in a super convenient position of having no facking clue when he is leaving or when he is coming home. We will hopefully have two weeks notice before he has to head out. I’m not looking forward to it, but I am also anxious for it to just get here so it can be over.

 

One or two months alone with a toddler isn’t going to be too awful. We did a few weeks earlier this year that we made it through. The stressful part was Adam’s return date kept getting pushed. So I would be counting down the hours until August would poop and I wouldn’t have to change the diaper, and as it would get closer I would find out I needed to take a few more days on.

 

The whole experience of being alone wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be, though. I didn’t really need to cook because August only eats four things and three of them are cheese, and I don’t like cooking for myself most of the time. I end up eating sandwiches and simple stuff. Plus, I would be tired enough at the end of the day that I would skip dinner and climb into bed to fall asleep at 9. So I will be nice and skinny for bathing suit season. Woohoo?

 

 

I already picked mine out.
I already picked mine out.

 

It is also oddly easier to keep the house clean when Adam is away, because I have more control over mess and what parts of the house are being used and stuff like that. He’s not a big mess-maker, and he is great about helping with housework (I would be wearing a bathing suit for underwear right now if he wasn’t such a laundry wizard.) But I usually don’t feel like cleaning after August is in bed because I want to hang out with Adam. When I’m alone, I get to hang out with the floor steamer and my Lemon Pledge. Party party.

 

Shredding.
Shredding.

 

Now, I am also super lucky because we have family in the area that likes our kid, so I have babysitter options and my sister is going to come over and help some nights. One thing I absolutely cannot do on my own is wash August’s hair, so I need help with that. He has a ridic hair texture that is a combination of corkscrew curls and old cotton balls. I have to shampoo it, then put conditioner in and let that sit for a few minutes. The only way I can get a comb through his hair is when it has conditioner, so I try to get the tangles out while he is playing in the tub. Then I have to rinse that out and add a little bit of coconut oil and partially rinse that out, or else he looks like Christopher Lloyd circa 1985.

 

Accurate.
Accurate.

 

On top of that whole process, August just hates having his hair washed. I feel the same way about washing my own hair, as we all know. The one time I tried to do it on my own, the ordeal ended with me holding August in my lap, wrapped in a towel, while he stayed completely still for several minutes. It traumatized us both. Never again. Two person job.

 

Freshly washed and combed, then ten minutes later.
Freshly washed and combed, then ten minutes later.

 

So the whole Adam being gone thing is not the only thing making the coming months crazy. We need a bigger house. We are currently in a two-bedroom townhouse. It’s perfect for us right now. But at some point, I’m going to be tired of fitting in my clothes and having rational reactions, and it will be time to have another baby. I don’t know how the hell the pioneers or cavemen or whoever else has less than three bedrooms got any sleep when they had kids, because I can’t imagine August sharing a room with a baby and it not resulting in the two of throwing all-night illegal raves. So the plan for a while now has been to move sometime in the coming summer. And since we don’t know when Adam will be gone or when he will be back, we kind of just have to do it and hope that he is home, but plan for him to be away. Orchestrating a move on my own does not feel like my favorite thing right now. That’s actually all I really have to say about it, because my brain is shielding me from thinking about it much to prevent what I am sure would be a pretty fantastic mental collapse.

 

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So that’s the gist of what’s to come. Send me all the moving tips you have. And by tips I mean $$$ so I can pay someone to do the whole thing for me. Please and thanks.

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2 thoughts on “This Post Brought to You By Every Drug and Ben & Jerry’s

  1. Professional movers are heroes. I hired some once, for my move from Texas to Baltimore, and it was some of the best money ever spent.

    To cut costs, I still packed all the boxes myself. Then the movers loaded everything on their truck, drove the truck to my new place, and unloaded everything. It was the smoothest, easiest, least stressful move EVER.

    If Nick were away and I had to move, I would totally spring for the full-service movers. Toddlers are not the most helpful packers. The kids and I would have an all-day picnic at the park or something.

    Good luck!

    1. I now want to hire movers, even if Adam is home. I just really hate moving shit. I’m honestly fine with packing it and unpacking it. But someone else please put all our crap in a truck and then drive it somewhere and take it all off the truck.

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