Cleaning Up Poop and Spit Up Is Time Consuming.

Turns out, taking care of a baby is a buttload of work. Multiple buttloads, even. It is currently 10am, and I have not had a chance to brush my teeth yet. I’m typing this one-handed, with a baby on my boob.


We almost have a two-month old. August is awesome. His smiles and screams are about 1:1. Ish. That’s a pretty nice ratio. I get him out of the house pretty often. There is usually some kind of bodily fluid of his on me. He sleeps through the night. Praise Ke$ha, that part rules.


She’s an angel.


Things are finally settling down a tad, so I’m making the commitment. I’m back to blogging. You can look forward to precious gems like..


The Endless List of Shit You Can Try When Breastfeeding Is Being a Rude Whore.

The Embarrassingly Late Nursery Reveal.

I Bought All The Baby Things. Here’s a Shorter List For You.

How To Get Your Loud Ass Child to Go the Hell to Sleep.

Capitalizing Titles Confuses Me.

So I Didn’t Give Birth to A 90lb Baby. Now What?

My Beer and Me: A Great Love, Reunited.

And many more family favorites.


All that in due time. Until then, I leave you with the best apology I can think of after so much time away: Public humiliation.


One time, I did a whole lot of white-girl-dancing in a Gym Class Heroes video about Myspace. In my defense, this was before I started drinking.



This post was brought to you by when I was cast as a “candy raver”.


6 thoughts on “Cleaning Up Poop and Spit Up Is Time Consuming.

  1. Saw what? He sleeps through the night already? Do you know how %$#@*n lucky you are?? Super jealous. Also, I think it’s only right that you give your fans periodic peeks at your baby. Just sayin’. 🙂

    1. SO DEMANDING! But I am super aware of how lucky our sleep situation is. He sleeps hard, too. Most noises don’t wake him until it’s morning. I’m terrified of when he starts teething, though. I hope it doesn’t yank the sweet slumber from my arms.

  2. No shit right? All this shit IS time consuming. This lineup is leaving me with a sense of anticipation so I now have to follow you. After having babies, my reunion with booze was one of the most poignant moments of my life. Well – not as poignant as having the kids – but a close third or something.

    1. I took a picture of my first beer post baby. If you were to accuse me of making it the background on my phone for a little while, I would not argue very strongly.

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