Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Maybe Not the Best Idea

I’m due at the end of August. Part of me has been relieved that I can just survive the summer months in maxi dresses, maternity skirts and tank tops, and still feel like I am dressing cute and not feel like I am dressing like this.

I'm identifying with the young lady in blue, just so we're on the same page.

My one dilemma when it comes to cute pregnant lady summer attire is bathing suits. I am a very pasty female by choice, staying out of the sun and keeping my skin looking like that of my Irish ancestors, rather than my Italian ones. I am excited that I won’t look like a Louis Vuitton carry-on by the time I am 30, but reflective-white skin is not exactly slimming. That, and I am of the opinion that maternity bathing suits are really freaking ugly. Really, tankinis and one-pieces, often with skirty or frilly butts are all modern science can come up with for an expectant mother on vacation?

This gives me such a huge case of frown lines.

So then I had what I felt was a super bold thought and my mind was telling me maaaaybe I can still wear a bikini? And just flaunt my ability to create life all over the beach and be confident and cool and make everyone want to be pregnant. My mind thinks I will look like this.

Thanks, mind. You're a real good friend.

But that is just my pregnancy mind. In real life, I think my mind is more rational and has a better grasp on how much I look like Nicole Richie at any given moment. My real life mind would probably tell me that this is the more accurate representation of Pregnant Sara in a Bikini at 7-9 Months Pregnant.

Only much more on the vanilla side with some freckle sprinkles.

Stay tuned to see who wins.


2 thoughts on “Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Maybe Not the Best Idea

  1. I got so depressed when looking at maternity swimwear. I’m due July 1 and have decided to just say fuck it and wear an appropriatly-sized bikini top (which I’ll have to buy because my boobs are growing out of control) and either my board shorts that go down to my knees (with belly band to hold them up since I won’t be able to fasten them closed) or a long sarong thing around my waist. I’m just going to let the belly out to play. It deserves sunshine too. Only with lots of sunblock.

    1. First off, your blog is hilarious.

      Sun that belly! I just really can’t understand how hideous the selection of maternity swimsuits is. I would assume that there are lots of women with not the worst taste getting pregnant, and the world is offering them the canned tuna of clothing options. Why are we not marching in streets over this? Minus the whole most of us are swollen and tired and don’t really feel marchy right now thing.

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